By Michele Walsky | Observer Contributor
Photo by Benjamin Richard
Happy Hallow-giving-ismas! In the hostile takeover of pumpkin spice everything, candy corn and plump packs of fun-size chocolates flirt with back-to-school notebook sales. At the faintest nip of fall, eggnog cozies up to the coffee creamer.
If you ran into CVS for sunscreen this summer, I hope you did not topple the Hallmark display of Christmas ornaments. Yes, they come out every July. I love the holidays but slow your roll, Mister!
It is bad enough the four seasons are bi-polar. Now big business punts us through the last quarter of the calendar faster than a Hail Mary field goal attempt.
Why must Christmas suffocation come earlier every year? Let us extinguish the jack-o-lanterns and gobble up turkey before jingle bell ads overload our subconscious. Must catalogs choke mailboxes and so many charities infest our wallets?
This merchandising malarkey has been around for decades. The proof lies in the 1974 cartoon special, “It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown.” The Peanuts gang ascends a department store escalator only to discover displays decked out in holly green and red. Sally cracks a joke about it but the funny part is, this premature phenomenon was not obnoxious back then. Comic creator Charles Schultz must have been a time traveler. Either that, or he planted the idea into store plan-a-gram artists everywhere.
You know who gets the short end of the peppermint stick in all this? Tom Turkey. As the middle child of the holiday trifecta, even his day is unstable. Nobody could be bothered to lock down a date for him, for goodness sakes. Sure, he gets football, a can drive, Snoopy special and a major parade but his limelight is overshadowed by the big belly and beard as he rounds Herald Square.
Worst of all, he is deliciously devoured! Left in his wake are wishbones, exhausted cooks, family fights, pots and pans and indigestion. Before the Tums can take effect, early bird shoppers flock for deals.
Do we really need a day set aside to remind us to give thanks? We should do that on a regular basis, anyway. If the holidays have you hyperventilating, fear not. Here are a few tips to combat celebratory stress and still have a good time.
First of all, it is not the law. We do not have to buy into the greed. Instead, focus on the deeper meaning. Pick and choose what fits best for you. If it helps, plan ahead. I know people who are super organized and have their Christmas shopping done by August. Apparently, it is entirely possible to achieve this without carols piping, hens a laying, crude commercialism, and Black Friday trample-thons.
I am no such creature. I do not like shopping much as it is. Every year, I toy with the idea of gathering for fun events instead of acquiring more stuff. However, sometimes I do get a head start. Begin early by tuning into your loved ones for clues. Or if desperation strikes, scroll Facebook for a list of their favorite things. Support local ‘mom and pop’ shops as much as possible. If you are not in the mood to fight long lines, order from the comfort of cyberspace instead. While online, unsubscribe from unwanted catalog mailing lists. And if all else fails, gift cards are easy peasy.
If your looming “must-dos’ are longer than the naughty and nice list, divide them into digestible bites. Tempting as it is, we are not at the mercy of every tradition. As much as I treasure my eclectic ornaments, there have been recent Yuletides where we put up our fake pre-lit tree and called it a day. Pace yourself, then delegate tasks. Narrow down a few feasible favorites or perhaps none at all. You can make up new ones, too. Sometimes simple spontaneity creates the most joy.
Now that you outsmarted all the non-Noel nonsense, relax, put your feet up and sip some pumpkin spiced eggnog lemonade. We will be surfing the escalator into Christmas again soon enough. We might as well enjoy the ride.
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