By Jamie Parker | News Editor
Anessa and I first became friends at a family reunion in 2011. She was only allowed to come and join us for one day. This was all her father’s side of the family, and her mother did not approve of Anessa being around so many people who were not Jehovah’s Witnesses. But we immediately hit it off. We had not seen each other since we were about four years old, but you would have thought we talked every day. We decided at the end of our fun that it was an absolute necessity that we stayed in touch. We both downloaded an app on to our phones that would allow us to talk to each other without her mom knowing. After that, Anessa and I talked almost daily for years. We even managed to get back together for about a week one summer, because I went and visited her grandparent’s the summer after the reunion, during the same time she did. We were some pretty conniving fourteen-year-olds. After that visit, we continued to talk until her mom found out.
It was about two years after I had been down there, and Anessa and I talked at least weekly. Then one day out of nowhere, it was like radio silence. I had gotten nervous but I knew that I would have hear through the family if something serious had happened. Then about two months later I got a message from her. She went on to apologize for the sudden departure, and that things had been pretty rough down there recently. I of course forgave her, but asked what had happened. Anessa told me that her mother had gone through her phone one night, after getting suspicious of the people Anessa was working with. She had found conversations with friends Anessa worked with at the time, who were not JW’s, as well as all of our conversations. Now like most teenagers, we complained to each other all the time about what was happening in our live. Unfortunately for Anessa, that meant her mom finding out what she said about her, and the church. Her mother quickly realized that her daughter was starting to drift away from her, and banned her from talking to me, or any friends from work when they were not working. Anessa quickly fell into a depression that became dangerous. But again, went behind her mother’s back to talk to me. When we started talking again I could tell she was not doing well, and that I needed to try and help her.
When we started talking again, we were nearly seventeen and had both gone through a lot recently in both of our lives. She was really considering telling her mom that she wanted to leave the church. Looking back on it now, I can see that I encouraged her to do so partly for my own selfish gain. She wanted to do it, there is no doubt. But I also wanted my cousin and one of my best friends back. We were so close, and yet there were so many things separating us. We used to talk endlessly about the next time we would see each other, even though we never really knew when that would be. I will never forget when I found out she had left the church, and our hopes of reuniting were as strong as ever. She had told me she had gone through with it, and that she was going to move in with her dad. It was not until my last trip down there I found out the full story.
“I had just gotten sick of it. So one night I packed a bag for the weekend, got in my car and drove to dads.” The next day the both of them drove to her mom’s house when no one was home, and packed most of her things to bring back. Her father accepted her immediately into his home. She finally was with her father’s side of the family, and had this new found freedom she had never known before. But it was far from sunshine and lollipops. After telling her mother and the church she was leaving, they shunned her. She was not allowed to talk to her mother anymore or any of her step siblings. If she did they would face rejection from the church as well.
Since leaving Anessa has pretty much cut most of her ties with the church. Occasionally her mother will send her a text message that varies in content. It is either her begging Anessa to come back, and confess that she was wrong and ask to rejoin, or telling Anessa that she was wrong, and she is so disappointed in her for leaving, or sometimes it just says “I love you.” Her step-siblings keep in distant contact behind the backs of their parents and the church. They occasionally like a picture on social media, or text her as well. The oldest one is about sixteen, and is beginning to go through the same thing Anessa did at that age.
I have visited Anessa Twice since she left the church. The first time was for her high school graduation party. She was homeschooled, but her dad made sure she got to experience that part of graduating. This also fell on the same week as Easter, which was the first holiday she got to celebrate since she was about three years old. The second time was this past March, and it is truly amazing to see how far she has progressed in five years. She is currently living with her boyfriend, and working towards a degree while working through school.
Comments are closed.